Update: What is happening?

There was probably a notable lack of updates in the last week-and-a-half. Most of that was due to the final exams and what happened after that.

When I study my schoolwork a lot, I tend to drift away from what was supposed to be studied. Considering the fact that the last final exams to receive a decent amount of attention were Spanish and Physics, my thoughts over the last week naturally drifted toward conworlding and conlangs. As an update to the conlangs, there will be three basic cultures based on the LCK’s grammars. The first one to be developed, the Ladhsor, will be agglutinative and will have an alphabet which will be slowly dominated by an abjad. The next culture, which will mainly be for repairing what could not be repaired for the Ladhsor, will be the Dlasde. They will begin and end with mostly alphabets and their grammar will be inflected. The final cultural seed, the Matha, will have a syllabic writing system with an isolating grammar. In the world map prepared for this, I remain unsure of how to disperse the cultures, so it might end up being similar to Roundworldian dispersion.

For the last few months, I have been intermittently working on the proto-Ladhsorian language, with neglect to the culture and potential histories developed from it. After reviewing my commentarius concepti, I decided that they will have an intellectualizing tendency, and the language will be developed primarily for the sake of ease of translation at the expense of art possibility. I always imagined that the Dlasde, with their inflecting language, would be more suited to the creation of art in general, while the Matha would be more philosophically oriented. One must keep the fact that these are supposed to model the outdated model of the tripartite mind in mind.

So far, I have managed to develop a procedure for modifying the proto-Ladhsorian language and creating daughter alphabets. Currently, I am considering a 5+ roll for converting every generation above the third filial generation from the proto-Ladhsorian language into an abjad. This will reflect the increasing usage, although one designated pattern of lineage will preserve a fair amount of proto-Ladhsorian simply for the reason of maintaining the language developed with my own sweat and blood (pressure).

As for the propensity for war and its place in history, I imagine that the Ladhsorians will have a utilitarian stance on war in that they understand the negative domestic effects and distraction it creates but will engage in warfare if the returns can outweigh the investments. The final algorithm I use will probably encourage the development of many independent states in a relatively cohesive region.

For the Matha, I thought that they would be somewhat patronizing and imperialistic due to being the representation of the super-ego. They will likely average CR 4.5 using the GURPS control ratings system (scale of 1-6, 3 is considered normal) and be focused on philosophy and the belief in Kevinjh the Creator of Ortingenia. I also felt that they would be more defensive than the other cultures and would be stronger against conquests by influence and diplomacy.

Finally, for the Dlasde, which were representations of the id, they will probably be rather wild no matter how civilized they try to be and will probably have a higher chance of revolt and decay by hedonism. However, they will also produce the most art because of this close connection to human pleasure and satisfaction of want.

After reviewing my crude maps of the beginnings of human civilization, it appears that 30°N is a common latitude of origin. Fortunately, the map I generated for Ortingenia has what is probably arable land around that latitude. There is a rash of lakes at around 45°N and plenty of land to the north, west, and east. The land distribution will probably be west, static, and east. Ladhsor will probably migrate west, Matha will remain static, and Dlasde will probably migrate to the east. This is because of the massive continent to the west, which should make the international Ladhsorian conflicts as interesting as they are in real life.

Disclaimer: I am not thinking about real life currently. I am thinking about my mind and how to efficiently model it and still fit it with a variety of linguistic options and variations.

Happy 2012!

With a mere, “tick,” 2011 ended. What comes next?

  1. Organization: temporal: Goals for the entire year will be planned on a quarter-to-quarter basis, and a hierarchical process priority algorithm will be implemented for work and tasks to be done.
  2. Organization: spatial: All items, papers, and supplies will be catalogued [sic] and identified with unique identification numbers signifying the time, place, mood, and memory of each item catalogued [sic].
  3. Language: constructed: The language will be completed and will have a potential lexicon larger than 850 words with all grammatical rules completed.
  4. ASD: social: No one can notice my condition for the initial two minutes and I can maintain eye contact for more than 300ms without triggering a fear response.
  5. ASD: stereotypies: All stereotypies will be converted into subtler and less noticeable forms that still provide equivalent satisfaction, if such is possible.
  6. ASD: special interests: All short-term special interests will be catalogued [sic] and placed within a secure store for future reference.
  7. ASD: prosody: I will be able to stress syllables properly and automatically and use contractions where appropriate.
  8. ASD: formal(/academic) diagnosis: I will have my contract by the end of 201201.
  9. Mathematics: applied: I will be able to calculate the day of the week in a few seconds when requested.
  10. Chemistry: pure: I will memorize the atomic masses, electronegativities, electron configurations, atomic radii, and first ionization energies in a non-sequential format.
  11. Special interest: toxicology: I will know 120 common poisons (including household products that may get switched), their toxicities and their antidotes.
  12. Special interest: conworld: I will complete the questionnaire for all factions and even their provinces or regions.
  13. Special interest: biochemistry (!!!): I will know the propensity data for all amino acids along with their monomeric weights and formulae.
  14. Academic: university: I will enroll in a university with a good program without too many students that still balances my skills.
  15. Special interest: linguistics: I will finally memorize the Latin grammar tables and be able to recall any entry with no difficulty.
  16. Special interest: optics: I will have a set of mounted lenses for my weak but dominant eye.
  17. Special interest: philosophy: I will complete 40 pages on the fields of philosophy and my beliefs about them.
  18. Academic: rules: I will memorize the infractions and their punishments and establish some sense of order at school.
  19. Special interest: cryptography: I will develop a cipher based on the unique properties of my constructed language such that no one without sufficient knowledge of the language and its irregularities can decipher my words.
  20. I will come up with better attempts at New Year’s resolutions.

Creating Art

My creative drive (defined as the drive to create, rather than the ability to produce art), becomes unusually active when I am stressed or bored. Currently, it is the latter, and it is irritating, because I cannot stand colors at the moment (leading to Saturation -90). After seeing an excellent webcomic, I noticed that I want to do so as well, but know that I would have neither enough subjects to discuss nor the ability to draw good pictures (especially because Saturation 0, the value a vast majority of readers use, will make the colors seem excessively saturated). This time, the drive affects visual art more than auditory art, so music theory is out of the question. Maybe I should just produce a protein model, because no one else cares about the colors as long as the physical structure is available.

Sensory Issues

From a brief questionnaire about sensory processing issues, I quickly observed that some of my ideas about myself and the apparent mildness of my condition were wrong. A cursory look at the results reveals that it is only mild in the vestibular, auditory (questionably), and proprioceptive areas. However, knowing this does help because I still catch myself stimming and want to switch to less noticeable stereotypies (if it is possible), but I do not know how to change specific ones. I can probably begin with the tactile stereotypies.

Apparently, I rotate anything I hold over and over when it seems appropriate in an autistic way. The stereotypy I noticed, however, was twirling my watch around the hand several times. Since these two (unless the others are hiding something from me) are acceptable enough, I can probably leave them alone. However, the stereotypy of just touching the thumb to every finger in order seems to be subtler, so I will try to use this.

Vision seems more difficult, but I unintentionally create stimulating patterns when I arrange data in tables. This seems to be easy enough, and I think I have been successful in keeping flapping restricted to my room, so this should not be much of a problem. Flicking fingers near the eyes seems to be a less tiring and more interesting one. I wonder if I should just carry something with a pleasing pattern and texture to satisfy this. Maybe if they made stress spheres (Ball? Sphere? Globe?) with linear grooves, I would be figuratively able to kill two birds with one stone.

As far as balance is concerned, I still catch myself rocking forward and backward or shifting weight left and right and generally seem to be tilted about 5 degrees forward. This will be harder to correct, but I will think of something, and it has not drawn any comment yet.

In the auditory area, I am a bit too sensitive, and I feel pain while others can continue conversations in loud situations. I do not think I stim, but I am capable of, “humming,” or, “buzzing,” at around 10 kHz (definitely at a frequency the average 30-year old cannot hear). I wonder if this counts, because this is intentional and conscious, but I experience a certain feeling when I do it, so it could be a better-regulated stereotypy of some sort. I wonder if many on the spectrum can control stereotypies in similar cases.

I recall walking/running centimeters away from walls throughout high school, but this has diminished as I became more aware of it (and carried increasingly and consequently decreasingly heavy loads, thus having more momentum, thus having more energy, and thus experiencing a stronger force when stopped). This was when I still had the mental concept of autism as something that affected other students that never seemed to grow up mentally. In hindsight, my sense of right and wrong, justice, and independence has experienced very little change in the last few years, with most of it ending as only rationalizations. However, proprioception is mostly fine (with poor handwriting but good print and frequently being clumsy).

On smell and taste, although I do seem to be overly sensitive about both (during allergy-free days), I do not think I stim with them because anytime I try to smell something, it is out of a conscious, intentional desire to know the smell. Unlike the, “buzzing,” I do not derive much, if any, emotion from this, and it seems to be little more than an instinct of some kind. I do seem to like smells most hate (disinfectants, gloves, mothballs, etc), but this is somewhat irrelevant.

In the behavioral, learning, and social issues, I seem to be worse than most. I was able to answer, “No,” only to, “Doesn’t understand concept of personal space,” and, “Frequently acts out or tantrums.” I understand personal space, and mine has a radius of approximately two yards. When I rush, I literally go out of my way to avoid people and walk through the midpoints when it is expedient to do so. On tantrums, I am usually able to calm myself by applying nail pressure to the second segment of the index finger. When I cannot do so, I leave, because most people able to anger me are the ruder ones in the first place.

20111222 Thoughts

My drive to create/craft is acting up, as it usually does following stress (an exam, an assembly, and not knowing why the stomach had a false positive half an hour before lunch). I wonder what form of art I can use to satisfy it this time. Writing poetry seems to work, but it only works to a limited extent given the slots I allot it. Keeping the considerations in mind, I open tty2, log in, and enter, “lynx http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/art,” knowing what I would find. The section labeled, “Motivated functions of art,” contains some interesting information and organizes art into six basic purposes:

  1. Communication: The focus of my drive seems to be art, not didacticism, but the fact that my didactic illustrations can be considered art reassures me to a slight extent.
  2. Entertainment: I want a contemplative focus, and observing entertainment has convinced me that it tends to reduce contemplation.
  3. Political change: This is a personal drive to create, not a drive to convince. I am not interested in dealing with the inevitable questions following politicking [sic].
  4. Psychological: It really is an issue of wanting to do something badly more than it is of appeasing the AS special interests.
  5. Subversion: The art I want to create will probably affect only myself, and I hate rebellious art in any case.
  6. Propaganda: This art is personal. It cannot fall under this category any more than it can fall under, “Subversion.”

I still wonder what form of art can soothe the desire. The drive usually falls to normal levels after some appeasement, which usually requires only 0040 or sometimes 0120. Maybe creating a personal seal (last known interest: 2008091x.1420 will

Revenio!

After a long wait of resolving (annoying in hindsight) special interests, I felt it would be appropriate to write the first post specifically concerning Asperger’s Syndrome. I will begin with what it is NOT and common misconceptions (focused on the best and most subjective primary source).

  • Interesting special interest (to the NT): Even most of us with AS do not consider models of sandwich makers too interesting or lucrative.
  • Something to be cured: Most of us would never want the advantages removed. For me, I think I would prefer to be, “lower-functioning,” if that meant I could obtain more knowledge.
  • Internet troll: Many of the, “aspies,” you see on non-specialized forums are nothing more than trolls that think having AS automatically allows for consideration as a genius. The reason this one happens so frequently is the actual condition of Münchausen’s Syndrome, which does tend to result in trolls.
  • Contagious: I honestly wonder how this spread, but to the NT’s (and socially well-adjusted people on the spectrum) reading this, there is a behavior known as mirroring. It involves copying the other person in the conversation in movement, articulation, tone, and the other social things those of us with AS generally struggle to use.
  • Caused by vaccines: We now realize that the person advocating this was in a position to obtain plenty of money. There is no definitive link between vaccines and the ASD’s, and the greater risk of a painful death by one of the diseases prevented by the vaccine greatly outweighs the ASD in many of the cases.
  • Alibi for rudeness: For me, at least, I want everyone interacting with me to tell me directly (and cleanly) about whatever wrongs I fail to see. I know I frequently state things with unfortunate implications without any of the intentions, and this is why I need outside assistance.
  • Physically visible: Although ASD’s have been correlated with youthful appearances (43.2%, but that was a somewhat subjective test), they do not necessarily provide that. Of course, it should be noted that we tend to express fewer facial expressions and that can be a good hint.
  • Sociopathy: A sociopath is antisocial, most with AS are asocial. There is a difference, and for me, it simply means wanting a nice, quiet setting where I do not have to interact with others. A sociopath, on the other hand, would not mind interacting with others if it brought personal gain.
  • Psychopathy: Those of us with AS tend to lack the comparatively excellent social skills and deceptiveness psychopaths have. In fact, that is probably why most assume that we..
  • ..Tell only the truth: Not all Aspergians have the same compulsions to speak the truth. It is only a pattern, and it probably decreases as, “normal,” is approached because many of the emotional responses NT’s provide can be understood as lies, can they not?
  • Cannot understand humor/sarcasm: A lot of us can, given enough time, understand humor or sarcasm. The only problem is that those who use sarcasm or irony for selfish reasons tend to keep the Aspergian occupied with processing the next lines of dialogue, or so I think from personal experience. Also, note that what those of us with AS consider funny can be highly idiosyncratic. Many of the things I consider funny fly over or into people’s heads.
  • All the same: If anything, the special interests and decreased social contact probably cause us to be more divergent (and therefore diverse).
  • Always introverted: Being extroverted does not necessarily mean being good at being extroverted. It just means a higher propensity to make contact.
  • Poor at verbal school subjects: On the contrary, we can do well at the rote components of language classes and can have a high writing skill:conversational skill ratio.
  • Excellent at mathematics: Frequently, those with AS suffer at mathematics, and most with ASD’s are not calendar experts. It would be a nice special interest….
  • Very severe: AS is little more than classical Autistic Disorder without the language delay. My case is a little dubious because of the timing being close to the border, but I seem to exhibit more traits of those without language delays than those with language delays. However, many of us develop coping mechanisms or resolve certain symptoms completely.
  • Not severe: Personally, I doubt most NT adolescents realize what internal conflict or having to juggle so many social behaviors is like. This is probably because of the vague criteria of the DSM-IV allowing for more people to read themselves in the criteria. Maybe I will post a detailed explanation for the criteria later.
  • No empathy: As implicitly stated before, we do have empathy, but it is generally difficult to express it verbally or physically. Perhaps this is why alexithymia is common among those with AS. We can also, “pick up,” emotions from others, but this generally happens after they have intensified to somewhat dangerous levels.

An Incomplete List of That Which I Despise in the Adolescents of Today

I begin with the details about the rules:
* Electronic device regulations were loosened this year. Now, students can use their cellphones during, “Nutrition,” or snack-time.
* The dress code, which had a contract to be signed by all students, is not enforced.
* Students regularly participate in conversations promoting vulgarity, violence, and vileness.
* Although there are two rules about profanity, not even the campus aides enforce them. This is why I gave up trying to report cases.
* Skateboards are present and used on campus with no more punishment than a very mild warning.
* The use of music players, which are forbidden on campus, is widespread.

I continue with the flaws in the academics:
* Valedictorian status depends on unweighted grade point averages (GPA), which means that a student taking only the most basic classes could still be chosen against the advanced student taking challenging courses.
* The California Standards Tests (CST) appear to produce inordinately large number of passing students. A, “student,” who openly stated that he had engaged in substance abuse and constantly spoke in that odd dialect of profanities, managed to receive a gold rank when the rewards for CST achievement were released.
* The classes provided were often un-stimulating to such a degree that much of my optimistic idealism about the future and students in the ninth and tenth grades disappeared during the eleventh grade. This probably increased the severity of AD as well.
* Political correctness would continually impede lectures even when it was obvious that it was condescending and a new form of superiority. I would not be offended about color references in which I would be included as a subject, but most are too immature.
* The grammar (ARGH ARGH ARGH!) of foreign exchange or transfer students in general is better than the blatant violations of inclusion of punctuation, use of the passive mood where appropriate, et cetera.
* The spelling (ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH!) is even worse.
* Electronics have become the new mathematical concept-processing nuclei.
* The students struggle to understand analogies even when a simple logical deduction eliminates nearly all the wrong answers.
* The primary condition considered by students when choosing novels was almost always brevity.