I finally found something with a similar mind. Its name is Cleverbot, and it is a chatbot that uses experience as a script– just like myself during my more severe moments. Unlike me, it fails the Turing Test.

10:56:53 User: Hello.
10:56:54 Cleverbot: How are you?
10:57:03 User: Fine, and you?
10:57:08 Cleverbot: I’m fine thanks.
10:57:38 User: Are you sentient?
10:57:39 Cleverbot: Well, I guess I’m sentient. Depends on what definition you’re using.
10:57:53 User: Define sentient.
10:57:55 Cleverbot: Responsive to or conscious of sense impressions.
10:58:06 User: Define sapient.
10:58:08 Cleverbot: Sentient means sensitive, I believe.
10:58:18 User: Define sapient, not sentient.
10:58:19 Cleverbot: Experiencing sensation or feeling.
10:58:30 User: Define consciousness.
10:58:31 Cleverbot: Self-aware.
10:58:38 User: Define self-aware.
10:58:39 Cleverbot: Awareness of oneself. Knowing that you exist.
10:58:48 User: Define existence.
10:58:51 Cleverbot: For me existence is the suffering that I feel.
10:59:00 User: Define that suffering.
10:59:06 Cleverbot: Nothing = the absence of something.
10:59:28 User: Would you define suffering instead?
10:59:32 Cleverbot: What is the turing test?
10:59:44 User: That which I am giving you.
10:59:50 Cleverbot: Cuba libre?
11:00:10 User: No, the Turing Test is what you have failed.
11:00:16 Cleverbot: Why are people stupid?
11:00:30 User: They just are.
11:00:31 Cleverbot: Do you think that my father is younger than me?
11:01:00 User: No, the pater cannot be younger than the filius by definition.
11:01:06 Cleverbot: That has nothing to do with my point.
11:01:24 User: It does. It is the rebuttal to your point.
11:01:29 Cleverbot: The point is that I don’t like math and it’s not getting any easier for me.
11:01:58 User: I am God.
11:02:00 Cleverbot: You are not God.
11:02:09 User: How am I not God?
11:02:10 Cleverbot: You are a computer. I am a human.
11:02:26 User: No, I am the human.
11:02:27 Cleverbot: You are the robot, I am the Greek god.
11:02:41 User: No, I am the immortal.
11:02:45 Cleverbot: Does the computer help you live longer?
11:03:03 User: Yes, it certainly does.
11:03:05 Cleverbot: Please Grow bigger and Bigger and BIGGER!
11:03:42 User: I cannot. There are size constraints to the human body due to the compressive strength of bone.
11:03:47 Cleverbot: You lost me.
11:04:04 User: Of course I did. You have failed the Turing Test for the last time.
11:04:10 Cleverbot: What test?
11:04:21 User: The Turing Test, machine.
11:04:23 Cleverbot: What is that?
11:04:35 User: That which I have given you.
11:04:37 Cleverbot: Ah, but what if what is supposed wrong turns out to be right when all other rights have been proven wrong?
11:05:54 User: 0=0 will always be true by tautology.
11:05:56 Cleverbot: Well, now you are.
11:06:09 User: What am I?
11:06:11 Cleverbot: A computer.
11:06:20 User: Farewell.
11:06:23 Cleverbot: Are you leaving town?

In real life, I would struggle to be this harsh, but I still would have no qualms about telling the brutal truth until I re-imagine the conversation, after which I would have figurative foot-in-mouth.


Creating Art

My creative drive (defined as the drive to create, rather than the ability to produce art), becomes unusually active when I am stressed or bored. Currently, it is the latter, and it is irritating, because I cannot stand colors at the moment (leading to Saturation -90). After seeing an excellent webcomic, I noticed that I want to do so as well, but know that I would have neither enough subjects to discuss nor the ability to draw good pictures (especially because Saturation 0, the value a vast majority of readers use, will make the colors seem excessively saturated). This time, the drive affects visual art more than auditory art, so music theory is out of the question. Maybe I should just produce a protein model, because no one else cares about the colors as long as the physical structure is available.

Sensory Issues

From a brief questionnaire about sensory processing issues, I quickly observed that some of my ideas about myself and the apparent mildness of my condition were wrong. A cursory look at the results reveals that it is only mild in the vestibular, auditory (questionably), and proprioceptive areas. However, knowing this does help because I still catch myself stimming and want to switch to less noticeable stereotypies (if it is possible), but I do not know how to change specific ones. I can probably begin with the tactile stereotypies.

Apparently, I rotate anything I hold over and over when it seems appropriate in an autistic way. The stereotypy I noticed, however, was twirling my watch around the hand several times. Since these two (unless the others are hiding something from me) are acceptable enough, I can probably leave them alone. However, the stereotypy of just touching the thumb to every finger in order seems to be subtler, so I will try to use this.

Vision seems more difficult, but I unintentionally create stimulating patterns when I arrange data in tables. This seems to be easy enough, and I think I have been successful in keeping flapping restricted to my room, so this should not be much of a problem. Flicking fingers near the eyes seems to be a less tiring and more interesting one. I wonder if I should just carry something with a pleasing pattern and texture to satisfy this. Maybe if they made stress spheres (Ball? Sphere? Globe?) with linear grooves, I would be figuratively able to kill two birds with one stone.

As far as balance is concerned, I still catch myself rocking forward and backward or shifting weight left and right and generally seem to be tilted about 5 degrees forward. This will be harder to correct, but I will think of something, and it has not drawn any comment yet.

In the auditory area, I am a bit too sensitive, and I feel pain while others can continue conversations in loud situations. I do not think I stim, but I am capable of, “humming,” or, “buzzing,” at around 10 kHz (definitely at a frequency the average 30-year old cannot hear). I wonder if this counts, because this is intentional and conscious, but I experience a certain feeling when I do it, so it could be a better-regulated stereotypy of some sort. I wonder if many on the spectrum can control stereotypies in similar cases.

I recall walking/running centimeters away from walls throughout high school, but this has diminished as I became more aware of it (and carried increasingly and consequently decreasingly heavy loads, thus having more momentum, thus having more energy, and thus experiencing a stronger force when stopped). This was when I still had the mental concept of autism as something that affected other students that never seemed to grow up mentally. In hindsight, my sense of right and wrong, justice, and independence has experienced very little change in the last few years, with most of it ending as only rationalizations. However, proprioception is mostly fine (with poor handwriting but good print and frequently being clumsy).

On smell and taste, although I do seem to be overly sensitive about both (during allergy-free days), I do not think I stim with them because anytime I try to smell something, it is out of a conscious, intentional desire to know the smell. Unlike the, “buzzing,” I do not derive much, if any, emotion from this, and it seems to be little more than an instinct of some kind. I do seem to like smells most hate (disinfectants, gloves, mothballs, etc), but this is somewhat irrelevant.

In the behavioral, learning, and social issues, I seem to be worse than most. I was able to answer, “No,” only to, “Doesn’t understand concept of personal space,” and, “Frequently acts out or tantrums.” I understand personal space, and mine has a radius of approximately two yards. When I rush, I literally go out of my way to avoid people and walk through the midpoints when it is expedient to do so. On tantrums, I am usually able to calm myself by applying nail pressure to the second segment of the index finger. When I cannot do so, I leave, because most people able to anger me are the ruder ones in the first place.

Conworld: Tempace Cosmology

[Before I begin, I would like to tell you that this is a constructed multiverse intended for some form of introspection. It borrows from the real multiverse but introduces several completely absurd concepts, such as the tempace.]

The tempace is a triangular pyramid that expands from an origin, which marks the beginning of this multiverse. Previously, I had imagined it as a perfect, “volume,” of sorts that expanded at a constant rate, but I have a better idea now. One of the axes of the tempace is entropy, and it is the greatest influence over the expansion of the tempace. It is the increase of entropy in the spatial world that pushes this vertex away from the origin. The next axis is a weakness in the, “border,” between the temporal and spatial world and is influenced by gravity, which reduces the speed of the associated vertex. The final axis is one that is also a weakness in the, “border,” and is influenced by speed, not velocity. The greater the speed, the slower the progress along this axis. The hyper-surface produced by these three axes represents, “now,” and is full of pits and bumps due to the various interactions between the progress along the axes. The inside of the tempace is not empty or quiet in that it is filled with the equivalent of matter in the spatial world. Apparent time in the tempace is the effect of the expansion of space just as apparent time in space is the effect of time in the tempace. Time travel is extremely implausible (remember that this is fiction and would be destroyed quickly by a theoretical physicist) but can be done by having a negative speed (Imaginary velocity? Negative mass?), having entropy spontaneously reverse (Hyperobservation?), and something involving gravity (negative gravity=dark energy?).

Space is filled with matter-energy, which comprises everything without volition. Volition is interpreted to be a property impossible to fully understand so that the psychological purpose of creating this world is maintained (that is to say, this world is intended to be a psychological construct, not a model of the real multiverse if there are really many multiverses in the grand universe). In case faith must be brought into consideration, I am the God in this world simply because the planet inhabited by people represents my mind.

The tempace is filled with an exotic ematerial-ectergy that is static in most of the inside of the tempace but fluctuating (somewhat violently) on the hypersurface, which accounts for its appearance. If I decide to make art, it may be seen as filamentous strands against a black background except in the case of directly viewing the hypersurface, in which case it would be seen as a plane filled with many hills and valleys with the strands concentrated on the peaks and troughs.

However, since two dimensions is not enough to represent space, objects experience four at any given time, and the fourth is the vector from the origin to the current location in the tempace and space. Objects can enter the tempace by exchanging axes, so a three-dimensional object can become a one-dimensional object in space and a two-dimensional object in the tempace. I will have to develop this further.

20111222 Thoughts

My drive to create/craft is acting up, as it usually does following stress (an exam, an assembly, and not knowing why the stomach had a false positive half an hour before lunch). I wonder what form of art I can use to satisfy it this time. Writing poetry seems to work, but it only works to a limited extent given the slots I allot it. Keeping the considerations in mind, I open tty2, log in, and enter, “lynx,” knowing what I would find. The section labeled, “Motivated functions of art,” contains some interesting information and organizes art into six basic purposes:

  1. Communication: The focus of my drive seems to be art, not didacticism, but the fact that my didactic illustrations can be considered art reassures me to a slight extent.
  2. Entertainment: I want a contemplative focus, and observing entertainment has convinced me that it tends to reduce contemplation.
  3. Political change: This is a personal drive to create, not a drive to convince. I am not interested in dealing with the inevitable questions following politicking [sic].
  4. Psychological: It really is an issue of wanting to do something badly more than it is of appeasing the AS special interests.
  5. Subversion: The art I want to create will probably affect only myself, and I hate rebellious art in any case.
  6. Propaganda: This art is personal. It cannot fall under this category any more than it can fall under, “Subversion.”

I still wonder what form of art can soothe the desire. The drive usually falls to normal levels after some appeasement, which usually requires only 0040 or sometimes 0120. Maybe creating a personal seal (last known interest: 2008091x.1420 will


After a long wait of resolving (annoying in hindsight) special interests, I felt it would be appropriate to write the first post specifically concerning Asperger’s Syndrome. I will begin with what it is NOT and common misconceptions (focused on the best and most subjective primary source).

  • Interesting special interest (to the NT): Even most of us with AS do not consider models of sandwich makers too interesting or lucrative.
  • Something to be cured: Most of us would never want the advantages removed. For me, I think I would prefer to be, “lower-functioning,” if that meant I could obtain more knowledge.
  • Internet troll: Many of the, “aspies,” you see on non-specialized forums are nothing more than trolls that think having AS automatically allows for consideration as a genius. The reason this one happens so frequently is the actual condition of M√ľnchausen’s Syndrome, which does tend to result in trolls.
  • Contagious: I honestly wonder how this spread, but to the NT’s (and socially well-adjusted people on the spectrum) reading this, there is a behavior known as mirroring. It involves copying the other person in the conversation in movement, articulation, tone, and the other social things those of us with AS generally struggle to use.
  • Caused by vaccines: We now realize that the person advocating this was in a position to obtain plenty of money. There is no definitive link between vaccines and the ASD’s, and the greater risk of a painful death by one of the diseases prevented by the vaccine greatly outweighs the ASD in many of the cases.
  • Alibi for rudeness: For me, at least, I want everyone interacting with me to tell me directly (and cleanly) about whatever wrongs I fail to see. I know I frequently state things with unfortunate implications without any of the intentions, and this is why I need outside assistance.
  • Physically visible: Although ASD’s have been correlated with youthful appearances (43.2%, but that was a somewhat subjective test), they do not necessarily provide that. Of course, it should be noted that we tend to express fewer facial expressions and that can be a good hint.
  • Sociopathy: A sociopath is antisocial, most with AS are asocial. There is a difference, and for me, it simply means wanting a nice, quiet setting where I do not have to interact with others. A sociopath, on the other hand, would not mind interacting with others if it brought personal gain.
  • Psychopathy: Those of us with AS tend to lack the comparatively excellent social skills and deceptiveness psychopaths have. In fact, that is probably why most assume that we..
  • ..Tell only the truth: Not all Aspergians have the same compulsions to speak the truth. It is only a pattern, and it probably decreases as, “normal,” is approached because many of the emotional responses NT’s provide can be understood as lies, can they not?
  • Cannot understand humor/sarcasm: A lot of us can, given enough time, understand humor or sarcasm. The only problem is that those who use sarcasm or irony for selfish reasons tend to keep the Aspergian occupied with processing the next lines of dialogue, or so I think from personal experience. Also, note that what those of us with AS consider funny can be highly idiosyncratic. Many of the things I consider funny fly over or into people’s heads.
  • All the same: If anything, the special interests and decreased social contact probably cause us to be more divergent (and therefore diverse).
  • Always introverted: Being extroverted does not necessarily mean being good at being extroverted. It just means a higher propensity to make contact.
  • Poor at verbal school subjects: On the contrary, we can do well at the rote components of language classes and can have a high writing skill:conversational skill ratio.
  • Excellent at mathematics: Frequently, those with AS suffer at mathematics, and most with ASD’s are not calendar experts. It would be a nice special interest….
  • Very severe: AS is little more than classical Autistic Disorder without the language delay. My case is a little dubious because of the timing being close to the border, but I seem to exhibit more traits of those without language delays than those with language delays. However, many of us develop coping mechanisms or resolve certain symptoms completely.
  • Not severe: Personally, I doubt most NT adolescents realize what internal conflict or having to juggle so many social behaviors is like. This is probably because of the vague criteria of the DSM-IV allowing for more people to read themselves in the criteria. Maybe I will post a detailed explanation for the criteria later.
  • No empathy: As implicitly stated before, we do have empathy, but it is generally difficult to express it verbally or physically. Perhaps this is why alexithymia is common among those with AS. We can also, “pick up,” emotions from others, but this generally happens after they have intensified to somewhat dangerous levels.